Life Beyond Obsolescence?

Rev. Bruce R. Russell-Jayne

How many of you have seen at least one of the Toy Story movies?  {A lot of us.}  The first one came out in 1995, so if you have had young children or grandchildren in the last 15 years, you at least know about Toy Story.  All of the Toy Story movies are wonderful.  The animation is fantastic, the action is energetic, the dialog is funny to both children and adults.  For example, Toy Story 3 opens with Andy, the boy owner of all the toy characters we’ve come to know and love, now 18 and getting ready to leave for college.  Andy says to his younger sister, “So, you gonna miss me when I'm gone?”  Sister Molly responds, “If I say no, do I still get your room?”  Andy says: “Nope,” so Molly quickly replies, “Then, yes, I'll miss you.”  In addition to all this, each of the Toy Story movies is a kind of morality tale which personifies human character traits in the toys and presents a lesson about good conduct in the midst of an adventure with an underlying emotional dilemma.
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Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you would know the story of Toy Story 3 because we’ve all been through something like it.  Andy loved his toys and played with them all the time when he was a young child.  When he got older, his interests changed, and the toys sat untouched in his toy-chest for quite some time.  Now that his mother is having him clean things out of his room before he goes, Andy doesn’t want to  let them go.  Andy reminisces about his toys and the many hours he spent as a young boy creating imaginary exploits in which his two heroes, Woody and Buzz Lightyear vanquish all foes.  Woody, the always earnest cowboy sheriff, and Buzz, the galactic defender, personify determination and bravery, the best of human qualities for Andy.  Andy, as a younger child had said, “Now Woody, he's been my pal for as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he'll never give up on you... ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what.”  The two figurines have always been his models of integrity and potential.  As he prepares to go off on his own, and experience his own real life adventures he really doesn’t want to leave his loyal friends behind. 

While the toys lay stuffed in the chest, they yearned for their glory days - when Andy played with them and loved them.  Now that he is leaving for college, the toys fear they are no longer loved, they are terrified of being thrown away.  Andy’s toys are coming face to face with the inevitability of the thing that, for them, might be worse than death: obsolescence.  Woody reminds them toys they made a pact to always be there for Andy, no matter what.  He rationalizes that if Andy puts them away in the attic they can at least hang out together with some of interesting old relics, and surely he will come back to them some day.  The other toys say that may be true for Woody and for Buzz Lightyear, Andy’s favorites,  but they are convinced the rest of them are headed for the trash dump.

Haven’t we all been in this exact place in our lives?  We have grown and changed, and the things we used to spend our time with no longer seem as interesting.  We have moved on, but we feel nostalgic for our old playthings, where we used to live, and the people with whom we used to have so much in common.  We hang on to memories and souvenirs, traces of our earlier lives, to help us forestall the feeling of loss that comes with letting go of the past.  In losing or letting go of old toys we experience all the difficult feelings of grief - Denial, Sadness, Bargaining, Anger, and Fear, before we finally come to Acceptance.

To children, the toys’ fears can seem very real, because they face the same dilemma in their own lives.  Adults, with time and age to distance us from the events of childhood, can prevent ourselves from fully experiencing the toys’ uncomfortable emotions.  We can dull our emotions by intellectualizing their predicament.  When a big life change is imminent it is understandable that we would have big emotions, and want to contain them.  Sometimes we bargain, telling ourselves the change won’t effect us all that much, that we can go on the way we used to with only a few limitations.  Holding on to the past when we don’t know how to let go is a normal reaction to change and loss.  Denial and Bargaining have been misunderstood as bad things to be avoided; they are not.  They are defense mechanisms which keep us from being totally overwhelmed when we are grieving.  They help us take in loss a little at a time, and usually that’s all we can do.  Well, enough of that!
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The movie doesn’t let the toys indulge in self-pity for long before they are off on an adventure.  Instead of being stored in the attic, they are carted off in a box to an adorable daycare center where there are plenty of children to play with them.  Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear, Lotso for short, who seems to be in charge of all the toys, welcomes them and shows them the ropes of their new home.  There are tons of other old toys, and the kids just love them.  

Rex the Green Dinosaur says : Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?
Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear replies: All day long! Five days a week.
Jessie  asks: But what happens when the kids grow up?
Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear responds: When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!
Jessie says: Yee-haw!
Mrs. Potato Head gushes: It's a miracle!

If what Lotso said was true, this daycare center with its ever replenishing supply of children would be their “Fountain of Youth.” They think they have found paradise until they realize the toddlers who play with them are pretty rough with them and they begin to fall apart.  Child’s Play isn’t the same as they remembered it.  It turns out that Lotso Bear was holding out on them, hiding the real truth of their situation until they had been drawn in.
Trying to deal with a difficult situation in our lives, don’t we do this, too?  To escape the realities of loss, we turn to new things; we change play places, or friends, or even our job, hoping the new ones will take the place of the old.  It’s a natural thing to do, when our loss leaves a big hole in our hearts.  We want to find something to fill the hole, or at least patch it.  It hurts, it feels like we are falling apart.  We need to put it back together again, but we don’t know how, so we grab onto the first thing to come our way.  Sometimes it looks good to us because it is similar to something we had before.  Sometimes the new people or things work out just fine; other times, not so well.  We may miss a flaw because our thinking isn’t always clear when we are grieving a loss, and we can’t observe obstacles and detect complications they way we normally do.  That quick fix feels good at first, but in Toy Story 3, it turns out to be a trap.
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When the toys begin to understand the peril they are in, they realize they have not found heaven on earth.  The bulk of the movie involves their struggle with a variety of perilous situations, and through it all they act with courage, generosity and humanity.  Parents love to bring their children to see cartoon characters modeling these traits.  There are some great scenes and lessons, but I’m not going to give it all away this morning because I think you should see this movie.

However, I will say more about Lots O’ Huggin Bear, Lotso - who is the main villain of the movie.  We learn he became evil after his heart was wounded when he got left behind by his little girl owner one day.  He believed she had abandoned him for another plush bear, and his pain over that rejection made him want to prove to all the other toys that no one really loves them, either.  We can understand the bitterness he felt, and no amount of positive attitude from the Ken and Barbie dolls, or examples of selfless heroism from Woody and Buzz could break thru his emotional armor.  Lotso could not accept the idea that his little girl owner really did love him and did not mean to lose him.  He missed feeling needed by someone, like he was no longer usable or lovable.  This is the feeling behind obsolescence - that we are no longer wanted - we have been discarded even though we are still the same as we have always been.  It doesn’t make sense.  It brings a feeling of shame because it makes us think there must be something wrong with us, but we don’t know what it really is, and we can’t fix it and regain the love we have lost.
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So, Lotso, the villain, embodies what it means to be obsolete, the dreaded feeling that all the other toys are struggling with, too.  How can we keep from his fate; how can we deal with the loss of love and keep from falling into a downward spiral of shame?  And isn’t this pretty heavy for young children to take in through a cartoon?  Well, it seems not, because kids really do  deal with things like this as they grow up, and Toy Story 3 gives a wonderful solution to the problem of obsolescence.

As you might have guessed, the problem is resolved in the end.  I’m sorry if that spoils the movie for you, but I’m sure you know that just about every children’s movie has a happy ending.  The toys are rescued and given to a young girl who will play with them and love them as much as Andy did.  I think the message is when grieving a loss you should know that over time, you can have love again.  It likely won’t happen immediately, and there may be all kinds of struggles in between, not the least of which will be emotional.

What it takes to make it through those dark and difficult days, is to be easy on ourself, to realize we are still  lovable human beings no matter what is going on around us or what messages we are hearing.   The hole we feel in our hearts when we are grieving will heal over time.  An important part of the healing is feeling the pain of the loss, accepting it as real, and saying good-bye to the person or thing that is gone.   We can’t replace the person or put things back exactly the way they were.  However, we will eventually rebuild our lives, albeit in ways different from the way things used to be.  Life is unforeseeable, a mystery.  If we remain true to who we are, holding on to our true self we will find strength for the times when it feels like no one wants to play with us.  If we stay close to our principles, our soul, our essence, and live out of that, others will see we are valuable and lovable.  Creating new loving relationships begins by showing the love that is inside us.  Sharing our essential selves with others never gets old.  If we continue to bring our true selves to others, to show others our intrinsic nature, we will never be obsolete.  Thanx to the makers of Toy Story 3 for this hopeful message.

Now, if we can prevent people from becoming obsolete, do you think we might do something about the planned obsolescence of our toys?