"Building NHF’s Beloved Community"

The Rev. Bruce Russell-Jayne
June 22, 2008
Northern Hills Fellowship

Reading

God Makes No Mistakes: Creating Beloved Community for All Our Children, excerpt Rev. Sally Patton

“Over fifteen hundred years ago Benedict wrote The Rule, a short, simple document about hospitality to guide monks living in monasteries... Benedict believed in order to grow as a human being, you need other people... Benedict’s rule of radical hospitality offers a wonderful model for individuals and faith communities to live by. The practice of radical hospitality leads to the creation of a beloved community in which the different, those who appear strange, and the marginalized are welcomed and accepted. Benedict’s hospitality is a way of love. Benedict asks that we see the divine in every single person we encounter. In Radical Hospitality: Benedict’s Way of Love Father Daniel Homan says Benedict’s hospitality is not about social graces, it is about mutual reverence. It is about accepting those who are different. Acceptance is not about judging or condoning behavior. It is about embracing. We do not have to like a child’s behavior in order to embrace and accept the child. Welcoming all people into our community is an act of radical hospitality.
…
Father Homan says, “Hospitality has an inescapable moral dimension to it. It is not a mere social grace; it is a spiritual and ethical issue - an issue involving what it means to be human. All our talk about hospitable openness doesn’t mean anything as long as some people continue to be tossed aside. …...Hospitality puts an end to injustice. But calling hospitality a moral issue does not tell us the whole truth about hospitality either. A moral issue can become bogged down in legalisms, and hospitality is no legalistic ethical issue. It is instead a spiritual practice, a way of becoming more human, a way of understanding yourself. Hospitality is both the answer to modern alienation and injustice and a path to a deeper spirituality. … Because hospitality always involves giving something of ourselves to others, it is a spiritual practice. Spirituality is about relationship.”

It requires us to take chances, to face our fears, to change and to grow. Accepting people different from ourselves means acknowledging our fears. … Fear of others chokes out love. Hospitality is risky and is courageous and calls us to confront and sit with our fear of those who are different. Only then can we feel a transforming love. The act of hospitality heals us as individuals and as faith communities.

We all know that merely being nice to people does not always change us. We sometimes go through the motions without being affected. The hospitality espoused by Benedict requires us to make connections with those we feel are different, and then we are personally transformed. …Father Homan says, “Listening is the core of hospitality, and while the people we listen to benefit, in the end we are the ones transformed. Benedict doesn’t call us to listen on the surface. He wants us to listen with the ears of the soul. Listen way down deep. You know the place; it’s the same place that weeps at the sight of a newborn, the same place that falls silent at the edge of a mountain, the same place that reaches for a falling sparrow. Listen from that place.”
http://www.uua.org/spirituallife/worshipweb/sermons/submissions/26918.shtml

Sermon

Building NHF’s Beloved Community, Rev. Bruce Russell-Jayne

When I greet church visitors at coffee hour after the worship service, I ask them, “What brought you here? What are you looking for?” Recently a visitor told me, “I am looking for a spiritual community. I want something more than I get at work.” That was not the first time I had heard someone at a UU church express a need to experience deeper fellowship. We want to share our stories with other people. We need other people to know who we are. This desire for closeness is the reason many of us come to church. People are looking for intentional relationships that too often don’t develop from our often random and unstructured friendships.
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When I was a small child, my family lived in a new suburb on a block that had 54 children. We all played wiffle ball out in the street making the occasional car stop and wait for us in order to pass thru. We had no air conditioning, so in summer our neighbors heard our parents yelling at us thru screened windows. We had block parties, mothers watched each other’s kids, and we knew which church each family went to. Then, when I was eleven, we moved to a small, rural town, and before long, we knew our neighbors and half the people in town. It was a different kind of community, but again, it was a place in which we felt surrounded and supported by a large set of relationships.

In my adult life, as I have moved from place to place, I have always hoped to find a similar sense of community in my neighborhood, but sadly, I have not often found it there. After my divorce twenty something years ago, yearning for a community where my daughter and I could fit in and have relationships with our neighbors, I moved to St. Elmo, Chattanooga’s oldest suburb, by then a quaint but struggling city neighborhood. I got involved with the neighborhood association, and joined the Cumberland Presbyterian Church because it was just a few blocks from our house. I did make several friends, but the city pulled its funding for the neighborhood association and closed the local school which really reduced the opportunities for people to meet and talk with each other. After a few years not feeling supported in my theological beliefs, I figured out I wasn’t cut out to be a Presbyterian, either. I really struggled with a sense of isolation.

I socialized a little with my co-workers, had on and off relationships with girlfriends, and had family, 200 miles away, but I was still looking for a broader sense of belonging. I began church shopping. When I started attending worship services at the UU Church of Chattanooga, I felt a huge sense of relief, as so many others have, that I, with my odd, nonhomogeneous set of beliefs could be accepted there. The professed UU openness to diversity gave me hope that I would find a supportive community. And indeed, after investing myself in that institution, I did feel part of a beloved community there.

I have moved a few times since then, and each time I found new friends with whom I built a new support system. Each time, it took awhile, to make those connections and to deepen them. And it seems the physical layouts of our towns and cities, which so often has us spending hours isolated in our cars, don’t make it easy to commune with our neighbors. Even if you haven’t moved lately, you know that in present day American culture it takes a lot of effort to create a sense of community for yourself.
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This lack of a sense of connectedness is at the root of our discomfort with the realities we live in. We long for the good life, something we all keep dreaming about. We feel frustration at only partially realizing our ideal family or community situation. I think this is why many of us come to church. We need a community where we can express our deepest felt needs. We need a community to help us find and refine our ultimate values. And we need a community where we not only talk about it but where we actually begin to live the good life.
Developing our ultimate values and sharing them with others can be life changing. It goes without saying we must first imagine our good life before we can live it. This kind of growth most often occurs in significant relationships in which there is a shared intimacy. Knowing this fundamental truth about our needs and desires, the Rev. Gary James said, “I believe our corporate purpose, as a religious community, should be to create environments that connect people so meaningfully that it changes the quality of their lives.”

We may have found a comfortable suburban existence here in the northern hills of Cincinnati, but most of us are looking for something more. I think most of us came to Northern Hills Fellowship because we want the benefits of meaningful relationships. We need life-giving affirmations and challenges that don’t happen in casual connections. We are looking for a community in which we honor each other, where we share a sense of belonging. We are looking for a place where we can experience beauty, truth and love, a place which will liberate our sprit. We are looking for, if you’ll indulge my theological inclinations, a spiritual community where we can gain a sense of a relationship with the divine.
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Here at Northern Hills, we try very hard to create such a place. Our programs are all designed to foster spiritual community. Worship, Religious Education for children, the Adult Forum, all our various social activities, committee work – they all have as one of their goals creating opportunities for growing friendships. We also focus a lot of energy on welcoming visitors and newcomers and making sure people know we appreciate diversity. We welcome all who come here and invite them to join us. In a word, we try to be hospitable.

But sitting in a worship service together or even joining in our work here is not enough to create deep relationships. Remaining open to all who show up at our door is part of hospitality, but that alone doesn’t bring us all the benefits of radical hospitality we heard about in our reading. Father Homan said, “Hospitality is not a mere social grace; it is a spiritual issue - an issue involving what it means to be human. It is a spiritual practice, a way of becoming more human, a way of understanding yourself. Hospitality is both the answer to modern alienation and injustice and a path to a deeper spirituality.” Hospitality that does this requires that we go beyond casual conversations and share our deepest feelings with each other. True hospitality, means remaining open to others until we really know what is true and essential about each other. This is hospitality on a spiritual level.

As a church community we must create an environment of hospitality and respect and provide opportunities for deep sharing. Some of our existing groups and activities already do this, and we can build on what we already know to make the Beloved Community that is Northern Hills Fellowship more hospitable. The Committee on Ministry, recognizing it is in loving relationship with those in our community that we have the opportunity to grow spiritually as individuals and as a fellowship. has been looking for ways to take Northern Hills to the next level of hospitality. This spring we began working on a Covenant of Beloved Community as one of the ways for our fellowship to become more hospitable. We have introduced the concept to the Board of Trustees, and we will be asking for everyone’s input probably in cottage meetings this Fall. Today, I’d like to introduce some of our ideas to you. Remembering this is still a draft until your comments have been considered, I’ll read you the beginning part of the proposed Covenant:

Preamble - A Community of Individuals with a Common Purpose

Northern Hills Fellowship (NHF) is a place where we trust each other; where our participation in community nurtures spiritual growth and social awareness. We value respectful, loving relationships and supportive community equally with the individual’s freedom to seek her or his own truth. Success of the Fellowship’s programs to accomplish our mission and the effectiveness of leaders depends on the good will of our members. It is of utmost importance that members and visitors experience NHF as a warm, respectful, and welcoming community.

1) Our Collective Vision of Beloved Community
A) Respect for Others
NHF is a welcoming congregation whose members hold diverse religious, cultural, and political beliefs and opinions. We embrace people regardless of their views and encourage members to respect all people – including those who hold positions with which they differ.

b) Personal Responsibility
We each take responsibility for maintaining respectful relationships with other members of our church family. When in a leadership role, we invite constructive critique in a spirit of openness and thoughtfulness. We strive to recognize when our communications become counter-productive, and to look for workable alternatives.

C) Conflict Resolution, Reconciliation, and Healing
We respect personal differences and acknowledge that sometimes disagreements arise. We pledge to try to resolve conflicts before they become destructive to relationships. Reconciling conflict allows us to remain in fellowship. When conflicts are resolved we offer the gift of forgiveness which can heal our wounds and restore loving community.

D) Our Principles for Speaking, Listening, and Acting
• We promote justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. We are mindful of what we say and intentionally use kindness and respect in our communications. We are sensitive to how our words are heard and interpreted by others.

• We affirm the inherent worth and dignity of others. Accordingly, we listen to the ideas of others so that we may better understand their intent. While we may disagree, we acknowledge the worth of the person behind the views.

• We practice the skills of community building here. We are grateful for all who participate in our programs and acknowledge the many who give generously of themselves. Out of respect for the community as well as its individual members we fulfill our commitments to each other.
Now, one of the first questions people ask when we introduce the Covenant of Beloved Community is, “Why are we doing this?” I’ll give you a few of the reasons our Committee suggested:

1. I need a place where I feel “I belong.”

2. It is important to feel respected, supported, accepted, to have a sacred space so you can “move forward” in your life.

3. When others accept you, you can (more easily) accept yourself.

4. Trust can be an issue for UUs. Create an atmosphere that builds trust.

5. It is good to create a climate like this when you have such a diverse congregation.

When we meet in small groups to discuss the Covenant, we intend to take a positive approach. We will use a method out of the process called Appreciative Inquiry where we will ask everyone to help envision the kind of community you’d like to see at Northern Hills. We will ask you to describe, “how it felt at a time in your life when you experienced something like a Beloved Community.” You may look back at a time in our church’s history when it felt like that to you, or you may describe a work experience, or some other environment where you felt loved and supported in your relationships. We hope the result of our discussions is a new understanding of the community we hope to build.

Before we close, I want to add one quick pitch for our now forming Covenant Groups. Covenant Groups are a key program we will use to provide members and friends opportunities to explore their understandings of life in the safe environment of our fellowship. These small groups meet regularly to form close relationships for support and spiritual growth. Sharing in the lives of others especially thru deep, empathic listening nurtures us and fosters the trust and intimacy. Practicing respectful relationships in Covenant Groups will carry over into other areas of church life, so this is another way we will be building Beloved Community.

When you come to Northern Hills Fellowship we say, “you are welcome, you are accepted, you are honored.” Ours is a Beloved Community that “sees differences as gifts and opportunities for meaningful interaction and spiritual connection.” Hospitality is about welcoming all who enter our church, and it is forming deep relationships with each other and enabling spiritual growth. It is how we build the kind of community we so urgently need, the kind of community our spirits are hard wired for. I look forward to hearing your vision of how to make this an even more hospitable Beloved Community, but that will have to wait for just a short while. Tomorrow I am bound for General Assembly and then I’ll be on vacation and study leave in July. I will be available any time if you need me – please do not hesitate to call my cell phone. I am assuming most of you will be just fine without me for awhile, because I know this community will be here for each other. I wish you a happy solstice and a relaxing summer.

Amen and Blessed Be

James, Gary. “Minister’s Muse,” North Shore Unitarian Church Beacon (Deerfield, IL: 2004).
Patton, Sally. God Makes No Mistakes: Creating Beloved Community for All Our Children, excerpt, http://www.uua.org/spirituallife/worshipweb/sermons/submissions/26918.shtml
Patton.