Bruce's Blog

Thoughts from Rev. Bruce Russell-Jayne
Minister of Northern Hills Fellowship

“Goodbye Hermes ”
November 2, 2008

The name Hermes came to me when he was a small kitten because he had a fine silver overcoat that almost shimmered in contrast to his black fur.  The Greek god Hermes (Mercury was the Roman equivalent: Mercury is “Quicksilver.”) was the messenger of the Gods.  He also was the source of insights, or more specifically those “Eureka” moments when an idea just pops into your head.  Hermes often had that affect on me, because when I stopped what I was doing to play with him or pet him, my mind often relaxed just enough to allow it to find some new perspective on whatever I had been thinking about.

Hermes was a talker with a large cat vocabulary.  He was very personable, and almost everyone who met him liked him.  Once we hosted a teenage Irish girl for a month as part of the “Ulster Project,” and her eyes always smiled in delight as she exclaimed what sweet “Wee lips” he had.  My daughter and grandchildren, and scores of family friends got to know him and love him in his 17 years.  He was a wonderful cat.
As you may have guessed by the fact I am writing about Hermes in the past tense, we had to euthanize him last week after a long bought with kidney disease and then colon cancer.  This was one of the hardest things Cece and I have had to do.  We had a similar experience with Cece’s and my cat Dusty a few years ago.  It is so sad to have to say goodbye to a wonderful pet.  The vets were very kind and helpful as we dealt with the end of life decisions.  But the actual euthanasia was almost more than I could bear.  I felt we needed a chaplain with us there – like the ones at a hospital – but, alas the vet’s office has no chaplain.

One of the reasons I share this with you is to let you know I know it is very hard to lose a beloved pet.  I have been grieving Hermes, and although it hasn’t been as powerful as some of the other times I have grieved a loss, it is real grief.  Hermes was part of our lives through many significant events and lived with us in 5 different homes.  On each move, his presence helped us feel more at home.  Losing him is like losing a friend who knows a lot about you.

When you lose a pet, don’t be embarrassed to let people know you are grieving (or not – it isn’t the same for everyone).  I have experienced denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, and some level of acceptance – all the stages of grief – over losing Hermes.  I thank everyone who has expressed their condolences – they do help.  When we lost Dusty, I looked on the Internet for support in dealing with the loss of a pet and found a wonderful book, Goodbye Friend, that has been very helpful to me and Cece and others.  After it was delivered to my home, lo and behold I discovered it was written by a UU minister, the Reverend Gary Kowalski.  I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me that a UU approach to pet loss would resonate with me.

The death of a pet is often one of the first encounters with significant loss for a child. It can be the first time UU parents need to explain death to their children.  In addition to Goodbye Friend I recommend The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst, to parents who want a book for their child.  I also offer my services to counsel anyone who is going through grief, including the loss of a pet.

Warm regards,

Bruce