Bruce's Blog

Thoughts from Rev. Bruce Russell-Jayne
Minister of Northern Hills Fellowship

The Rev’s Reflections
Whether or Not the Other Shoe Drops
I wrote last month that our world felt loose at the seams because there were several major events going on at one time - the revolutions in the Middle East, protests in Midwest State capitals and more.  As if those things weren’t enough, this month we have seen more revolutions, the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear meltdowns in Japan, and a military intervention in Libya.  And none of these events is over or even close to resolution.  Unbelievable!  Closer to home, we have several church members who have had disturbing health news.  Our hearts go out to all the people who are suffering right now.  Let’s keep them in our thoughts and prayers. As a minister, I am often in a position to console someone who has just had bad news.  As any of us may be called upon to do this, I want to share a few thoughts about it.

Often the bad news begins with a warning or a foreboding.  Sometimes there is a partial diagnosis with tests to follow.  Sometimes one bad thing happens, and then another bad thing happens, and remembering the old adage, “Bad things happen in threes,” we sit on pins and needles waiting for the third thing.  While waiting on the results of the tests or to see if the anticipated event actually happens, we hold on to hope, however slim, that our world won’t be turned upside down.  When the news is good, we breath a sigh of relief and go on with our lives.

When the other shoe actually drops, when we here the really bad news, we often experience intense grief.  Going through grief is one of the most difficult things we have to do in life.  While we are waiting to see if the other shoe will drop, we try push grief back.  We don’t want to feel the hurt, sadness, anger, and so on that come over us in grief.  Still, the waiting is hard, and we feel at least some of the symptoms of grief.  This  has been characterized as “anticipatory grief.”  Cece’s mother has Alzheimer’s, and her family, watching the slow progression of the disease has been experiencing anticipatory grief for several years now.

I think a lot of people are in the “zone” of anticipatory grief right now.  Let’s hope there will be no more tsunamis for awhile, but with so many things happening in recent weeks, we are a bit antsy - to say the least.  We have all had a shock to our systems lately, which has caused at least a slight fracture in our sense of security.  We can assume everyone might be needing our love and support right now. May we all be blessed with someone to care for us.  My advice for helping people in grief - in any stage - is to first honor them for trying to deal with difficult feelings and to try to understand where they are with them.  Second is to be patient  - with them and with ourselves - as we wait for time to heal wounds and for new opportunities for happiness to present themselves.  It is good to ask a person what they need and then what they hope.  I hope this helps. 
 
In liberal faith,
Bruce

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